The 300

I saw the movie last weekend. I don't see many movies these days. My four year old likes to watch the movie Cars on a loop and my wife and I don't get out for dates too much these days.

I liked it. But I had a long discussion with close friends who don't like it. I understand why. One of my good friends noted immediately that the discussion about the Spartans being free and democratic was a half-truth of the worst kind. The Spartans, I have read operated in a part-democratic, part-feudalistic, part-totalitarian society. Aside from the serfs, some were also slave owners. The society was obviously organized along martial lines, which is clearly depicted in the movie.

Another friend, who is a brilliant movie critic, thought there was nothing redeeming in the movie. He believed it bordered on pro-fascist propaganda. He noted, correctly I think, that the main democratic body depicted in the film was incompetent and that only the strong leader could cut through that bodies inaction to command his society and organize it for war.

I don't disagree with any of their comments. We also discussed the fact that the Persians in the movie were depicted as deformed, homoerotic, mystical and perverted. Such a depiction was obviously heavy-handed with no basis in historical fact.

I value the opinions of my friends. Unfortunately, one of my first comments was - is anybody going to realize where Persia is? (and equate this film with the current political climate).

I think our conversation was right and wrong at the same time. What have we reduced ourselves to when our argument becomes (1) will people be stupid enough to realize what this movie means? or (2) will people be stupid enough to be influenced by this movie? How are either one of these positions persuasive?

Hopefully, the movie can be isolated and enjoyed for what it is. A fictionalized account of a single battle. Most good histories will note that the significance attributed to the battle has long been overemphasized. I avoided the political and philosophical implications of the movie, because I think they do not translate well. Sparta after all did not develop into a lasting world power. My only coherent comment, was that perhaps people will watch the movie and start asking questions about the Greeks and the Persians and history. They will learn that history has a tendency to repeat itself.

If all else fails, watch this film once and follow with V for Vendetta.

A Guy's list

Maybe a feeble attempt, but a response to a list from an old friend.

1. Think about sex
2. Own stock, follow the market.
3. Play golf.
4. Bring in business.
5. Don't cry at sad movies.
6. Don't cry when she cries.
7. Don't cry.

8. The more you weigh, the funnier you must be.
9. Be able to hold a 15 minute conversation about any sport or any sports team.
10. Have at least a dozen movie quotes handy which carry and convey emotions without directly expressing them.
11. Don't ever kiss your child.
12. Stand up straight.
13. Suck in your gut.
14. Try and date, marry or sleep with someone prettier than yourself.
15. Never love her as much as she loves you. Or pay her lots of compliments.
16. Be able to brag about your conquests without caring.
17. Be able to instill fear in others when necessary.
18. Compete.
19. Win.

20. Know how to fix things.
21. Know where a dipstick is, and how to check all the fluid levels on your car.
22. Know how enignes work.
23. Take an interest in cars, but don't overstep your knowledge.
24. Mow the lawn, clean the gutters and take care of the outside of the house.
25. Do the dishes.
26. Have a few signature dishes you can prepare.

27. Listen to her, but understand that she wants you to fix her problems without fixing her problems, by just listening, she already has the answer and just wants you to continue asking questions until she tells you about it.

28. Listen to her when her stories make no sense, have no point or are on a topic which you have absolutely no interest in (and you have pointed that out before).

29. Keep telling the same joke until no one is laughing anymore and you feel like an idiot.
30. Try to stay clean and smell nice, but never be as clean and smell as nice as she does.
31. Sound important when you talk.
32. Work long hours.
33. Don't retreat from your family life by working long hours.
34. Make more than she does.
35. Keep your hair.

36. Have a story about that time you broke your something.
37. Make sure that story is funny.
38. Master self-effacing humor while having unwaivering and total egotistical confidence.
39. Love kids, but not too much.
40. Distrust others.
41. Deal with men on behalf of the women in your life.
42. Protect the women in your life.
43. Don't overprotect.
44. Compliment her for her beauty and have a reasonable attitude when other men look at her.
45. Pay the bills.
46. Be better with money than she is.

47. Be able to buy her the perfect gift that she wanted and know how to give it to her the right way, taking into account your financial situation, her preferences, her romantic ideals, and the nature of your relationship.

48. Know how to give a great backrub and great footrub.
49. Don't develop an interest in girl things.
50. Think that the girl things she does are magic.
51. Don't ever suggest that that magic doesn't take a great deal of time and effort.

52. Be able to insult someone.
53. Insult your friends.
54. Be able to take insults from your friends.
55. Be able to insult someone to the point of crushing their spirit.
56. Attack weakness.

57. Dress sharp, without having any particular interest in how you got there.
58. Know how to unhook a bra but not too well.
59. Be incredibly smooth and charming, without developing those skills until you meet the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with.
60. Be a little bit of a bad boy, or fake it as best you can.
61. Be able to turn her into a vixen.
62. Multiply your romantic history.

63. Drink socially
64. Be able to drink anyone under the table.
65. Have lots of good stories about drinking and college.
66. Refer to your old friends by their last names or nicknames.
67. Have one friend she hates.
68. Make sure your friends think she is hot and then keep them away from her.

69. Wait until she nags you before you do anything, and then know how to make her feel like hell for it.
70. Nag her for sex and then be indignant when she makes you feel like hell for it.

71. Wear a suit or a uniform or know how to dress up.
72. Be political enough for both of you.
73. Let her be religious enough for both of you.
74. Be either a masculine throwback or an evolved man.
75. Look good clean shaven and with stubble and know when to be clean shaven and when to have stubble.

76. Have a profound answer when she asks you what you are thinking about rather than than what is likely the truth - nothing, some woman who walked by, or a spot you saw on the dashboard.

77. Make sure you have been thinking about sex the entire time you have been reading this list.